please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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