Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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