I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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