I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
