girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
