Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
