well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
