I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
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