And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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