so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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