remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
The air taste purple.
Randomize
