in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize