If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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