he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
