I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
