I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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