Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
