Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
