My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
