I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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