Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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