My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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