Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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