it was like eating out sand paper
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
