I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
