it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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