OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
