i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
