Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize