Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
