I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
