I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
