R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
