made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
