Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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