I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
