I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
