what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
