This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
