You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I need help removing her.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize