The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
