The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
you will always have a special place in my vag
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
