Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
