So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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