Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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