STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Randomize
