I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
