when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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