dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize