Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
