I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
