You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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