if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
