The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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