The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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