Pappa wants mamma naked
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
