Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Less talking, more tequila
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
