I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
