im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
