Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
