so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
