btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize