Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
