He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
