i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
