I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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