Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
