i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
