This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
