The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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