forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
