I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
